“People have asked me so many times why and how my life is so great. I think it's because I enjoy the whole thing, and i'm not waiting for a better version.” SARK
About four months ago I made a choice. I realized that my life had reached a fork in the road. Two choices were laid out in front of me; I could choose recovery, or I could choose addiction. Circumstances being what they were, choosing recovery would mean opening up to strangers, getting out of my comfort zone, facing my fears and most importantly being HONEST.
Choosing addiction was definitely a possibility. I could lie, fake it, do the bare minimum requirements to get off probation and continue to drink in peace. It was do-able. It was realistic.
But I knew I didn’t want that life. Choosing recovery was choosing to plunge into the unknown, to face my weaknesses and anxiety head on. It also meant admitting that I was a liar (a bad liar too, I wasn’t fooling anyone).
Despite my fear and insecurity I chose Recovery. After admitting to my treatment team that I had been lying and sneaking around, I also had to admit to myself that I had become that kind of person; sneaky, deceitful and manipulative.
What followed was about three weeks of depression. The oppressive weight of the truth threatened to crush me. For those three weeks white-knuckle stubbornness is the only thing that kept me sober.
Then I started to feel a little better. I began to believe that I could create the life that I wanted. That I could become a good person again. I knew that sobriety was key. I also knew I had to create layers of protection to keep me safe from relapse.
I am a very visual person, so in my mind’s eye I saw a seven layer cake. Inside the cake were seven spongy layers of safety and support. The cake was slathered in sweet, delicious sobriety frosting. The whole tasty concoction was perched on a cake stand of accountability. I knew if I took away one of the layers the whole thing would start to droop and eventually it would end up a sloppy mess (just like me when I’m drunk).
One of the layers of my original Sobriety Cake was Creative Expression. This layer was just as important as the rest in maintaining a life worth living. I need creativity for many reasons; for stress management, to get in touch with myself, to reach out to others, and to experience the full range of emotions I tried so desperately to numb in my addiction.
I believe that I am not the only one out there who needs this. That is why I spear-headed Addict to Artist. I strongly believe in the Erase and Replace philosophy of Addict to Athlete which is; to erase addiction and replace it with something of greater value.
In addiction we tend to self medicate negative emotions. My hope is that is addict to artist we can express negative emotions in a healthy way. Additionally, I want to give the members of AIIArt the opportunity to serve the community. I believe that service can make all the difference in recovery.
I have done my best to adapt my original idea of the Cake so that it can apply to anyone, not just addicts, but anyone who wants to engage in creative living:
The Art of Recovery Seven Layer Cake:
The First Layer is the Plunge. Making the firm commitment to live a sober, creative life. Choose to leave old negativity behind. I find I need to recommit often, sometimes several times a week. The more stressed I become the more negative I become and the more often I have to take the Plunge once again.
The Second Layer is Inspiration (Role Models/Mentors). Find those whom inspire you, those who have what you want and emulate their habits. Whom do you admire? What artists alive or dead, spark your interest and your envy? Fake it til you make it.
The Third Layer is Involvement (Community): Who encourages your creativity? Who makes up your support network? Reach out. Finding a support network involves getting out of your comfort zone (I know, I hate doing that too). Healthy people attract healthy people. Creative people attract creative people.
The Fourth Layer is GRATITUDE - You experience gratitude when you feel the pure love of your higher power. Personal higher power - Great Creator, Spirit, the Universe, etc. Decide that your higher power is on your side and eventually you’ll realize it to be true.
The Fifth Layer is Discovery - Get to know yourself. discover your core issue/ your creative blocks. Get in touch with the child you abandoned for addiction and/or negativity and doubt.
The Sixth Layer is Purpose - Decide what your meaning, mission, or purpose is. Define your personal creativity.
The Seventh Layer is Creativity in Motion - Everyday, for at least five minuets, check in with yourself. Keep your creativity moving so it never becomes stagnant. (this also applies with recovery). Share your recovery, and creativity, with those who need it. Enrich the world around. Always move forward. (Being an agent of Recovery)
